Pirates of the North Atlantic
by amandalynwood
Summary: MULTIFANDOMS :Richard Sharpe is taking a shipment of husband hunting (20th-21st Century) women aboard the Black Pearl to an outpost in the Caribbean. In addition to the Pearl's Crew including Barbossa, and Sharpe's Chosen Men, they are also accompanied by the Spanish Captain Diego Alatriste and Horatio Hornblower. LEMONS in abundance. most definitely alternate universe.
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note:** A bit of explanation first…. This is a collaboration of multiple authors on a Sean Bean forum. all of them as characters in the story. This is definitely alternate universe as we have ship Captains from various sources and I'm pretty sure the time periods don't coincide.

In addition to characters from the Sharpe Series and POTC. We also have Captain Deigo From the film Alatriste, and Horatio Hornblower from that source.

Addtionally all the female characters in this story are MODERN women. (It will help explain a lot things as the story progresses , for instance what constiutes modesty). Suffice it to say that impropriety runs rampant in this high sea adventure. To be blunt Lemons abound.

To keep things legit I am going to post the contributing authors by their names at that message board with their story name in parentheses. There are also non authors in the story. I am going to recognize them as well. That way everyone gets their credit.

 _ **Contributing authors:**_

amandalynwood aka Viggomama (Victoria) Janice1492 (Janice) ScrarletB (Scarlet) Samala1 (Sam) Knellis (Nancy) Footlight (Felicia) Purplekizzi (Kizzi) Sharpe's Havoc (Charlotte) Silverbuttons (Silver) Swingingsannah (Sannah) Solithelf (Solith) Mrs J (Juliette)

Other Passengers…..

Albena (Albena) Megz (Meg) Pudge (Paulina) Norksmom (Nadia ) Leggy (lena) Kathy2006 (Kathy)

NeilByrneFan (Brynne) Sister Kitty (Kitty) WendyAnd (Wendy)

 **DISCLAIMER** ;And for the record I do not own POTC Characters(Jack Sparrow, Barabossa, Will Turner) Horatio Hornblower, Diego Alatriste or Richard Sharpe and his Chosen Men.

* * *

 **Pirates of the North Atlantic**

or

 _(One Ship With Far Too Many Captains)_

 _ **Three days voyage out of London…**_

Ruffling a hand through his golden blonde hair Richard Sharpe cast a glance across the map-strewn table at his friend Patrick Harper.

As requested by his commanding officer, General Wellington, the rifle captain and his Chosen Men were escorting a load of husband-hungry women to Destiny's Paradise Outpost, located on a recently settled island in the southernmost waters of the Caribbean.

And to top it all off they were being guided by Pirates, in particular a strange fellow calling himself Captain Jack Sparrow. A blighter who smelled more often than not of rum; which he seemed as fond of as Patrick loved his Best's brandy. _**What on earth had they gotten themselves into?**_

Actually, the captaining duties were to be equally shared by Captain Diego Alatriste who sought to discover whether it would be in Spain's interest to pursue endeavors in the Caribbean. Of course, that would only be after coming to a trade agreement of sorts with the English. Richard had also had a conversation or two with Diego who being from Spain had of course heard stories of Richard's lover Theresa.

There was also another English captain, this Horatio Hornblower fellow, with whom Sharpe had only recently had dealings. He had found Hornblower competent enough that he'd requested Horatio's presence on this journey.

Meanwhile, just a few yards away Captain Sparrow kept arguing with Captain Barbossa. Something about the older pirate leaving him stranded on a deserted island somewhere, and something else about apples, and the word 'mutiny' was distinctly overheard more than once.

Sparrow had also demanded that a stop must be made in Tortuga for some reason or another, he said it was only fair since he'd generously loaned out his ship for the journey. None of this discussion set well with Sharpe. _**Not at all**_ **,** so it was no real surprise when Captain Sharpe whispered the command back over his shoulder for the Chosen Men to keep an eye on the two captains of questionable motive.

There was also a young man going by the name of William Turner, who kept asking everyone if they knew anything about his lost father, some gent called Bootstrap Bill. He seemed a nice enough chap, English and all that, and the thought crossed Sharpe's mind after watching the lad in sword play with Jack that he might do well as a chosen man.

Sharpe turned to Harper. "How're the ladies farin' this mornin', Pat?"

"Just a wee bit of th' seasick, sir, they're no' accustomed ta th' motion of th' ship, ye know? More'n a few are still a little green around th' gills, as the sayin' goes. They should fare better in a day or so. overall they're adoin' alright, so they are, sir".

"Talk ta Hagman, Pat, see if he as any ideas on how to make 'em feel better.

"Aye Captain, so I shall."

And Pat, later this afternoon we'll bring 'em all up on deck a few at time fer fresh air and exercise. Jus' make sure they all understand they're no to come up here wi'out ya, or one of the chosen men with 'em and maybe even that Will Turner, he seems harmless enough, don't he Pat?'

"Aye sir, so he does."

Sharpe glanced at the dark clouds on the distant horizon. "I just hope the weather holds and we d'na have ta deal wi' that, the ladies will be seasick for sure."

"Aye Captain, from your mouth ta God's ears, sir."

"Yea, Pat, I hear ya, now get on it."

* * *

Below the deck, Miss Victoria did not care for the prevailing attitude of most of the men on board, that the women were no better than children who needed guidance.

More than once she had expressed the desire to Lady Scarlet that she'd like to give Captain Sharpe—despite his gorgeous face and body—a swift kick in the derriere.

They were going to run out of slop buckets soon; and Victoria and Scarlet had their hands full keeping the other ladies settled and trying to help calm the ones who were suffering from sea-sickness the most. So it was no help whatsoever that Captain Sharpe had made it vividly clear when they sailed from London that they were not allowed above deck without escorts

As the Black Pearl rocked its way across the waves Jack Sparrow continued to endear himself (not) to Captain Sharpe and the crew. So much so, in fact, that Sharpe began to seriously entertain the thought of making a stop, not in Tortuga, but considerably sooner.

Sharpe thought he could use the excuse that the ill women on board needed some stable ground under their feet for day or so, and if both Jack and Barbossa happened to be left behind well at least one of them had previous experience and survived, _right?_

Sharpe leaned over his maps again. There was a small dot marking a island, just two days sail away. "Pat, do ya know anything about this place, 'ere?" Sharpe stabbed at the map again with his finger.

"No, Captain. Doesna appear ta have anything on it, does it?"

"It migh' have, day after tomorrow," said Sharpe.

Pat raised his eyebrows. "Are ya thinkin of a certain Captain?" he asked.

"God knows, there's enough o' them on this trip tha' we willna miss one-or two." said Sharpe.

"Aye, but there's a small matter of this ship we're on. It belongs ta Captain Jack, does it not?"

"Not if he ain't here," smiled Sharpe.

"And wha' about 'em being our guides, sir?"

"We've got th' maps," said Sharpe noncha-lantly. Then he relented with a put upon sigh. "Oh, alright, maybe, I wouldn't put them off the ship. But a good scare jus' might improve their behaviour!"

This last comment was accompanied by the sound of roars coming from Captain Jack and Captain Barbossa standing some twenty feet apart, continuing their argument at full blast.

"What's more, a stop at a deserted island will be easier ta manage wi' all these women. They can stretch their legs where we can watch over 'em proper. God only knows wha' would hap-pen if we did stop in a hell-hole like Tortuga!" said Sharpe.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

They were still a day or two away from the island Sharpe had chosen on the map and Miss Victoria had let Captain Sharpe ignore her requests for a word with him for long enough. She wanted to know what he was doing about the current situation. In addition to the repeated and unwanted presence of Captain Sparrow in the midst of her ladies, three more women in her charge had fallen ill.

No one seemed to be getting better, but no one was lingering at death's door either, thank heavens, and she understood deep down that for the most part, all that could be done was being done. Still, she was frustrated by it all, and Captain Sharpe's continued silence to her queries equated to utter rudeness in her opinion.

Patrick Harper had finally been sent by his captain with a message and he was more than willing to oblige, but the sight was unexpected as he entered the ladies quarters. The lady was there, hands on her hips, when he arrived, and Patrick was at his wits end trying to calm her down.

Miss Victoria was—although every inch a lady—a feisty lass to be sure, and the Irishman knew she had to have Irish blood in her somewhere. Although the sergeant spotted her beguiling tactics a mile away, he would enjoy the results of her little game as much as she would, and he'd face the consequences later from both her and his Captain.

The disgruntled lady pushed him out of her way and stepped out into the corridor heading for the stairs. She only made it about four steps down the corridor before Harper caught up with her, pressing her back against the wall. "Where ye be goin' lass?"

"To see YOUR Captain, he's ignored me and my requests long enough."

"Come on darlin', ye know he be doin' his best, so he is."

"Well, his best isn't good enough, Sgt Harper."

"Call me Pat, lass, and I swear we're all doin' the best we can for ye righ' now." His fingers stroked her cheek, and he saw the flicker of sensual response in her eyes.

She responded to his earnestness, "I know you are, Patrick," Her gaze dropped down to her toes.

Harper reached out and tilted her face up to meet his gaze. He leaned forward as her eyes drifted closed and just as his mouth found hers; a shout came out of the Ladies quarters. It was Miss Kizzi's voice.

"Victoria! Scarlet's just passed out!" That made a total of twelve women who were now sick. Victoria was suddenly flushed with embarrassment at what she'd been about to do. She was not a loose woman and she brushed past Patrick to check on her friend. He made a move to follow her only to have the door slammed rudely in his face.

Now, what Captain Sharpe didn't know was that while Captain Hornblower was truly the most seasick one, the confined ladies were aided to their condition by Captain Sparrow. That wily pirate had a devious ulterior motive for plying his cargo with rum! Even now Jack had slipped below decks to their quarters contributing to the ladies being seasick by provisioning them with grog and teaching them wild pirate dances!

Rifleman Daniel Hagman took his commission to cheer up the ladies seriously, and whenever his duties had allowed he entertained them with his delightful folk singing.

Having taken a shine to the down-to-earth rifleman, Miss Janice –a would-be folksinger her-self –got up the nerve to bring out her guitar one evening to offer some accompaniment.

After the obligatory border ballads and teary Irish laments were out of the way, the pair exchanged a knowing glance and launched into a special impro-vised version of the bawdiest traditional song known to man:

 _ **"The Ball of Kerrymuir"**_

 _Four and twenty virgins went down to Inverness._  
 _And when the ball was over, there were four & twenty less!_

 _Chorus (repeat after every verse):_

 _Singin' balls to your partners,_  
 _our arse against the wall,_  
 _If ye canna' get laid on a Saturday night,_  
 _You'll never get laid at all!_

 _There was doin' on the porches, & doin' on the stones._  
 _You couldna' hear the music for the loud & joyful moans!_

 _Oh, Captain Sparrow he was there, but the poor man had the pox._  
 _He couldna' do the ladies, so he did the letter-box!_

 _Sister Sannah she was there, & backed against the wall._  
 _"Lay yer money on the table, boys, I'm goin' to do you all!"_

 _Captain Barbossa he was there, a-scratchin' at his crotch._  
 _But no one minded him at all, he was only there to watch!_

 _Lusty Lena she was there, & kept us all in fits_  
 _By jumping off the furniture, & showin' us her tits!_

 _Captain Alatriste was there; he played a wily game:_  
 _He did his lady fourteen times before he finally came._

 _Miss Victoria, she was there,a-covered all in sweat,_  
 _Takin' on all comers, and she hasna' finished yet!_

 _Rifleman Harris, he was there, with a prick of wood._  
 _He whittled it when he lost his own, and it worked just as good!_

 _Lady Silver, she was there, and did she ever smile,_  
 _Doin' several men at once, & with amazin' style!_

 _Daniel Hagman he was there, & up to his old trick:_  
 _Dancin' naked round the room & playin' with his prick!_

 _Lady Nancy, she was there, & actin' very strange:_  
 _You'd stick a shillin' in her, & she'd give back ten pence change._

 _Captain Hornblower he was there, that rowdy rantin' bloke._  
 _Masturbatin' by himself with a backhand double stroke!_

 _Lady Kizzi, that randy wench, she was also there,_  
 _And twenty men were on their knees before she stopped for air!_

 _William Turner he was there, that egocentric elf._  
 _The ladies were not good enough, so he went & did himself!_

 _That naughty Scarlet she was there, havin' herself a ball._  
 _She hiccupped as she took her man, & swallowed him shoes and all!_

 _Patrick Harper he was there, doin' sheep and such._  
 _You can always tell an Irishman, but you canna' tell him much!_

 _Miss Nadia, she was also there; she was a sight to see._  
 _They bent her o'er the table, & the rest was Greek to me!_

 _Rifleman Perkins he was there, but he was runnin' late._  
 _Askin' round from man to man just how to copulate!_

 _Miss Sam squealed & took her partner by the arm,_  
 _Then grinned, & said, "Another 'do' won't do us any harm!"_

 _Richard Sharpe was sittin' there, filled up with remorse._  
 _He'd got a little drunk that night, & did his lady's horse!_

 _Janice she was also there, and takin' up the slack,_  
 _Countin' up to fifty without gettin' off her back._

 _Rifleman Cooper, he was there, & all filled up with lust._  
 _He'd had so many ladies that his pecker just shot dust!_

 _Lady Charlotte, she was there, a-sittin' on her tush._  
 _She never made it to the point,just beat around the bush!_

 _Soon all the lovely ladies began to sing this song,_  
 _And it was twice as dirty, & fifteen times as long!_

 **BELOW DECK…**

Scarlet came round from her swoon and noted that Sparrow was still in the ladies' quarters to en-courage the wild dancing again. "Please, make Jack stop, I can't take anymore" she cried.

After she was apprised of Victoria's failed attempt to get a word with the elusive rifle captain, she made a decision. "Miss Victoria, I shall go sort out that idiot Sharpe, you cannot seem to get passed the Irishman."

"B..but…Lady Scarlet, you are just recovering from a faint…" Lady Meg protested.

Scarlet continued as if she'd heard nothing. "However, I have a plan. I have a bottle of Jameson's Whiskey. If I can get it to Sgt. Harper, he will soon be in a drunken stupor and incapable of stopping me from getting past him. Lady Charlotte, can you do nothing to distract Jack while I slip away?"

With great finesse, Lady Charlotte showed Jack her best pole dancing routine around one of the support poles. This distracted Jack enough for Scarlet to sneak away with the bottle of Jameson's in hand.

She found the dismayed Harper sitting on the stairs leading up to the deck. Harper's eyes glowed with delight at the sight of his favourite tipple. However an hour later, despite knocking back three quarters of the bottle, the Irishman proved he could hold his drink. He was still capable of standing albeit unsteadily draping himself over Scarlet making ungentlemanly suggestions.

So Scarlet had to take the opportunity to leg it when his back was turned, relieving himself in a bucket. She rushed up on deck and all the way to the Bridge. Captain Sharpe was none to pleased to see her.

"What ye doin' out here lass. No ladies are allowed up here" and shouted for his sergeant, "Harper!"

"I need to speak to you Captain Sharpe, I have been sent by Miss Victoria on behalf of all the women with our complaints"

"Oh Aye, complaints is it? HARPER!" he shouted again. __Where the blood-eh damn hell was he?__

Scarlet ignored Sharpe's shouting and carried on with her purpose, "Basically Captain Sharpe, Sir, we all know full well that you are a very good Rifleman and Officer, but well, we think maybe you know sweet 'fuck all' about sailing a ship"

Sharpe was thunderstruck,"Such language from a lady. I should take me strap ta ye - get yerself back below deck and stay there."

"If you could just maybe give me something in the way of reassurance that you are taking any advice from Captain Hornblower, and that you do know where we are going," Scarlet demanded as Harper finally appeared staggering onto the deck.

Patrick's inebriation was not well received, "Where th' hell ave ye been Pat? Ye Gods, ya stink of drink man."

"Sorry Sir, the wee lassie tricked me, so she did."

"Tha's no excuse, I told ya there's ta be no women on th' bridge, get this one back down below deck, NOW, and sober yerself up man!"

Harper grabbed Scarlet's arm and started to pull her away.

"Let me go you Arsehole" she screamed.

Both men were more than a little surprised at the unladylike language. Sharpe voiced his displeasure again. "Aye, I know Pat, her language is an insult to her gender, take her away and I'll reprimand her later," said Sharpe.

"You wouldn't dare" Scarlet screamed as she kicked Harper in the shin."

"Did ye see that Sir? Maybe we should reprimand the little lady a little bit straight away," the tipsy sergeant voiced hopefully.

"She's proven to us tha' she's no Lad-eh Harper, and yer stinkin' drunk. I will reprimand ya later as well, now get goin' before I really lose me temper."

"Sexist Pig" the furious Scarlet screamed as Harper pulled her away.

"I don't know what tha' means, but I don't like it" Sharpe muttered to himself as he returned his attentions to his navigational maps.


End file.
